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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
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If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Hcg went off diet for two days
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
最終更新日 : 2012/05/19/(Sat) 13:41
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